I'm a white girl with problems, get me out of here.

I am raging at Trinidad just now, for a variety of reasons. Mainly this is my own issue and the country itself is not at fault, but the problem is that every time something bad happens the first thing I think is "THIS WOULD NEVER HAPPEN IN EUROPE!" and it is ALWAYS TRUE. Today I'm grumpy because I went to get my eyebrows done (got a mani-pedi as well, for the second time in my life. Turns out the first mani-pedi was really good.) and the woman fucked them up real bad. They're squint and it genuinely makes me want to cry whenever I look at them.

The manicure was a bizarre experience because the woman tried to give me a bit of an arm massage after she'd done it and I literally had to bite the inside of my mouth to keep from laughing. She started by lightly pinching my my arm skin (mainly my arm hair, if I'm honest) between her thumb and fingers, then repeatedly chopping at my arm in a Turkish-massage kind of movement, then stroking my arm in downwards movements. This is exceptionally difficult to explain but as someone who does not like unexpected physical contact I found it very uncomfortable but also hilarious. I will show you my newly learnt massage techniques next time I see you.

In general, I just find Trinidad a really uncomfortable place to be. Like, physically uncomfortable as well as awkward. My inner ear has been really itchy basically since I arrived, my entire body is covered in mosquito bites, my sprained ankle still twinges every time I exercise (so I'm going to be morbidly obese by the time I get back to the UK) and it's so hot and sticky all the time. Obviously the awkwardness is because I am foreign but I literally have never felt more out of place in my life. I am so uncomfortable with the way of life here and I don't know how to talk about my concerns with any of the people I know here without offending anyone. Also this country really needs a fucking bus service, this is ridiculous. I am assured that there is, in fact, a bus service but I have seen a grand total of two buses since I got here which is kind of just not good enough?

One of my aunts bought me this. It fits quite neatly with this post given that I have never felt MORE FOREIGN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

Sorry about my face. And my eyebrows. Sob.

HYFR YOLO BBQ

I'm listening to Fall Out Boy's classic 2005 album "From Under the Cork Tree" and genuinely really enjoying it. I'm telling you this because I'm ashamed and need to be ridiculed for this as a weird kind of penance for having let my music taste slip this far.

ANYWAY. Yesterday was supposed to be the last day of my internship but I have to go back in on Monday because my boss forgot to bring a pen drive to get the work that I've been doing off my laptop. I'm not even surprised.

I have got money from the wonderful people in the Erasmus department of the University of Glasgow and it's enough to buy return flights to NY. I don't know whether to just book the flights and count on getting money from France in time or to try and wait it out a bit. But I can't really stay in TT doing nothing for that long so I need to decide soon if I'm going to just change my flight home or whatever.

I am also taking over as Features Editor at the wonderful qmunicate soon (now? already? I am unsure. Good start) which I am super excited to do but also nervous about. Although I think this will be a good lesson for me because I really need to get better at delegating and because I can't/won't/shouldn't write all of the features content for all of next year's qmunicates I will probably learn that asking for help is not a sign of weakness. On that note, if you have ideas for FW qmunicate then people let me know. Ruth Taylor has already been giving me excellent ideas because she's a babe.

I went out last night (I have two friends now - exciting!) and it was bizarre. We went to like "the best club in Trinidad" and the inside of it was decorated like a Wetherspoons (carpet in a club? Really?) with one super fancy shiny bar. It was probably twice the size of Viper and just as sleazy. Fun though, BECAUSE EVERYTHING WAS FREE. I shit you not - free entry for girls and FREE DRINKS FOR EVERYONE. The dancing to me looked a bit like a cross between an act of aggression and a sex act most of the time but people choose their own ways to have fun.

white girl problems, part 3764375676

Real talk: Trinidadian Diet Coke is not the same as British Diet Coke and tastes like shit.

More real talk: Being an intern is also shit.

I thought coming to Trinidad might give me some perspective on how I don't actually have any problems, given that it's a third world country and surely I would start feeling for the plight of the vagrants who live on the Savannah but it's basically only worsened the White Girl Problems that I have at home. Like: why won't my fringe grow out faster? why is my hair always so frizzy? why haven't I got a tan yet? is it socially acceptable for me to post instagram pictures of me looking much prettier than I actually am? could I pull off a half sleeve tattoo without looking butch? I also had the worst PMS of my life and have spent much of the last two days bursting in to tears for no reason at all. Usually when I'm on the phone to my Mother, who is by this point probably seriously worried for my mental health.

Yesterday one of the artists who works with Trinidad Tunes came in for an interview, and it turned out that my boss had fucked up the phone numbers so the guy that came in for an interview was not the person that I had tried to book an interview with. So I had a bunch of questions ready for a Soca duo from Tobago and what I got was a Trinidadian rapper. Very embarrassing, AND my boss tried to pin it on me. Today I told my boss that Thursday will be my last day, because fuck not getting paid to do someone else's job twenty times better than they could.