sadface

I have been an intern since Monday. In that time NOTHING GOOD HAS HAPPENED apart from me learning to use iMovie. I called someone in to do a video interview from a list of artists and was told that this particular artist wasn't good enough. My boss got his name wrong when he was greeting him and it was so embarrassing and awkward. We did the interview anyway and it was shit because I don't know anything about Trinidadian music apart from that I hate it.

I don't understand how or when we got to the point where interning is now totally normal and not considered slave labour because it's kind of uncool that I appear to be doing as much work as my boss and I am not getting paid for it. I don't want to bitch too much about him because I could probably be arrested for all the horrible things I would say about him, and also this is the internet and no mean blog post can be totally without consequences.

Anyway, why is this normal?! Why is it not really weird that intelligent, qualified young people are working for free? I am lucky enough to be in a position where my parents can support me, and I can live with my auntie while I'm working, but what if you're not? What happens to your career options then? Also, do proper real-life grown-ups with paid jobs know how shit it feels to be doing a shit job to have something to put on your CV and not be getting paid for it at all? I'm pretty confident in my own abilities as a fully functioning human being but it's been much worse for my self esteem than I could have imagined, which is probably just proof that I am deeply shallow and value making money, but making money is kind of a big deal because YOU NEED IT TO LIVE. I want to be a valuable member of society! One day I want to pay my taxes and smile at people on my way to work on the bus because I am too right-on to drive but this is simply teaching me that people do not value other people no matter how good a job they are trying to do. ihatemyboss.


Here are some other white girl problems, summed up by this photograph:

1. My hair is constantly frizzy so I can't have a fringe ever so I always look like shit.

2. I need my eyebrows done SO BAD.

3. I haven't been to the beach yet so I don't have a tan and I stand out like a sore thumb as a tourist everywhere I go.

4. No one can understand my accent at work. My boss has to translate for me.

5. I have no friends here. (This is represented by me being by myself in this picture.)

6. I am sitting on the porch because I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE.

7. Being gay is highly stigmatised in Trinidad and sodomy is illegal. This is not represented in the photo but is still very sad.

get out your house, get off your block and see something

Hello. I am in Trinidad.
I got here last Friday after kind of a long journey but I magically escaped jetlag by depriving myself of sleep for a day. Winner.

I went in to the office that I'll be working in today to introduce myself and try and work out what I'll actually be doing. It was nice to meet my new boss, and I'm feeling pretty optimistic, but still totally terrified, about it. I have to start ringing round artists associated with the company to ask if they would be willing to come in for an interview (I have no car here, and I don't know where anything is) which obviously they don't because they are busy and there's really not a lot in it for them. I will just have to keep trying. I will then have to edit the video down to something that can go on the website. SO OUT OF MY DEPTH.

I haven't been to the beach yet. This makes me sad. Although I feel like I've gained about four stone since I got here so it's probably a good thing that I haven't had to face a bikini yet.

I'm getting pretty frustrated by the lack of independence that I have here already. I guess I'll either get used to it or just go crazy. Trinidad has, like, one bus route. No one knows where it starts from, where it ends up or what time it goes at. Useful. I realised today that I need to go to the pharmacy to buy a toothbrush and some tampons but I'm going to have to get a lift from my auntie, who is very kindly putting me up for two whole months and who therefore I do not want to bother with asking for lifts. Although at some time or another I am totally going to have to bother her for lifts.

This is the view from my balcony. Yes, you heard. BALCONY! Right outside my room. So good.

Some of my family came over for lunch yesterday including my cousin who I haven't seen since we were both about 16, and my other cousin who I have never met before on account of her being 18 months old. She is so adorable. Observe:

This is my cousin, Zi. She knows how adorable she is and bloody loves having her photo taken.

Dear Rap Music: is this the best you can do?

Feminist media criticism ruins EVERYTHIGUFYDUGRHNG.

I had mixed feelings towards Drake for a really long time then all of a sudden I heard "Best I Ever Had" and SRSLY HAVE YOU HEARD THAT CHORUS?! It's good. He's obviously kind of an arsehole but I am literally at the stage now where I expect that sort of thing from rappers, male and female. Nicki Minaj and Lil Kim have beef basically because they are both women who rap and are quite good at it so they're not allowed to be pals?! What?! I can't pretend to know a whole lot about hip-hop and RnB but I do like some of it so bear with me here. (Due to my crazy addictive personality every time I hear an artist I like I get a little wound up and need to know everything about them. Mental, sorry.)

The feminist rage issue that I have today basically comes from one single lyric in "Make Me Proud" by Drake and Nicki. There's a whole lot else wrong with the song too but even I don't have the time on my hands to be analysing every word. SO listen to the song first because out of context it might not be as annoying? Maybe it is. Dunno.

Blacked-out chebs on a sculpture... Does this means boobs aren't arty enough to escape censorship?

Now that you've watched that:

"Running on the treadmill and only eating salad"

RUNNING ON THE TREADMILL AND ONLY EATING SALAD.

That makes you proud of a woman? To be so consumed by what she looks like that she doesn't get to eat cake? EVER? That isn't a life, Drake! Come on now!

Nicki's verse (I love her. I would not bring this up if it weren't bothering me) also has it's issues. Liiiiike how she seems to hate women half the time and be talking about pulling 69 of them in others. "All of dem bitches I'm badder than" because she has to compare herself to other women constantly. Even one of her rap alter egos is Barbie which is weird because Barbie is becoming generally accepted as a symbol of all the things that we should never teach little girls. Moving on. And this is the worst bit. THE WORST BIT.

"Baby, if you asked me to take a break, I'd give it all away."

DO I EVEN NEED TO.

Whole song about a successful woman getting her degree and her dolla and whatever and then OH BUT YOU PROBS WANNA BE THE BREADWINNER, YEAH???

For lessons in some more lady-positive rap please see: Tupac "Keep Ya Head Up" (I realise this is something of a one off for Tupac but it's bangin': "Since we all came from a woman, got our name from a woman and our game from a woman I wonder why we take from our women") and also I am kind of coming to love Iggy Azalea because she hasn't fallen in to either the "femcee" trap of trying to over feminise her music, nor has she gone the other way and tried to deny her gender by ironically rapping about sucking her dick all the time. It's not post-gender or post-racial or whatever, it's just fun and naughty and I genuinely think that she's a well good rapper.

I will now resume being white and European and talking only about things that I know about. Like gin.

j'aime mon pays mais j'adore le tien...

I've been on a bit of a self-imposed blogging hiatus in order to avoid the sort of horrific naval gazing that I would inevitably get down to if I tried to write a blog while there is nothing going on in my life.

I've booked flights for Trinidad so I am definitely going and I will probably have all sorts of hilarious anecdotes and cutting social commentary to fill this blog with from the second I get there (lol, jk, I'm going to moan about how it's not as efficient as Berlin for two months) and have stopped making such horrendous life choices as the last month or so (for the time being. Normal service will resume shortly, I'm sure).

My 21st passed with no fanfare whatsoever and was generally a bit of a non-event but my mother has planned a ridiculous party which will be fun because there will be gin cocktails and a MASSIVE CAKE. I will post pictures and talk about more of my white girl problems after the party.

Resuming blogging silence... NOW. (until around the 20th when I'm leaving for Trinidad)